The last time I wrote you was from our maiden voyage in Toots (our 2017 Serenity). We had been working hard to launch our new yoga/wellness/functional movement website and all was full of love and butterflies. Now I write you with different news. I write you with feelings of fear and some anxiety.
The reason for these two distinct feelings? We have made the move. We have moved out of our home in Victoria, BC and into Full-Time Van Life (FTVL).
Firstly, I will address the fear. Let’s get it straight, right?
The fear has nothing to do with Toots! I am more in love with our LTV than ever and know that moving in was the right choice. Kaitlin and I fit this life better than we could have hoped. We travel to film and teach FUNctional Yoga for our new website, and love to visit the ones we love all over North America. Sounds perfect right? Yes and no. Now that we have made the commitment, I see the societal norms we have been entrenched in being challenged. The reaction from friends and family range from “Yes! this is perfect for you guys!” all the way to “Whoa….really How is that going to work?” Do we try to hold onto the former, although the latter makes you think no?
The “How to make it work” statement brings on the fear. It brings on some doubt that maybe we can’t make it work. That maybe it was a mistake, or we aren’t hippy enough to fully embrace the lifestyle. I am working on nipping it in the bud before it can fully gain steam and turn into action. I have to remind myself (usually during a morning meditation) that we have chosen this, and we are giving it a try. I feel so grateful for that.
Using those thoughts immediately resets me back to being both giddy and excited. Which seems to be my default these days. We have the utmost freedom and have been actively working to build our lives out this way. This is not a mistake or a coincidence, I chose this life that I am living and that feels amazing. It’s really not scary at all. The fear is not mine.
Now to the anxiety. The A word. That lingering feeling where something is not quite right. Those things that are all wrong or mistakes that have been made. It sits differently than fear; it sits in my gut. Little nausea, mixed with a little bit of gas, is the best way I can describe it. When I get a chance to look at it, I see that the fear and anxiety are not separate. They are basically the same feeling, showing up in different ways and being sparked by slightly different worldly factors.
Anxiety seems to come from within, it seems to stem from my own thoughts (and essentially made up problems).
“Where do my shoes fit in the RV? Why are the cupboards so full? Am I doing this wrong? I’m probably doing this wrong. I am most likely going to fail at FTVL. I am most likely going to fail in my new career. My marriage is probably on the rocks. The government is falling apart, my investments are going to crumble and we are running out of water.”
The ball can keep going until all I want to do is sit in a ball on my Serenity’s corner coach bed and wait for it all to fall apart around me. Sounds silly, no? It’s not. The outcomes may not be real, but the feelings are. They are warranted and reassured by the news and the people around me. Again, I have to see it for what it is, take a quick stock of the gratefulness I have for the life I am building and see where I can stop wasting energy. The precious energy I have needs to be directed to myself and my new found life, not the ‘problems’ I have found. If I see the barriers, how will I ever be able to see the opportunities and openings and wonderful and amazing things around me?
I see this FTVL as a blessing. It’s winter in Canada and we are adapting. Albeit, we are on Vancouver Island, so our Canadian winter is not a true Canadian Winter. Our furnace runs, but not all that often and we won’t see much snow. “Canadian Winter Lite” I’ll call it. I know we have made a great choice, both in our LTV and FTVL. Our possessions fit wonderfully and we are ready for some locational freedom. We are driving it down Baja California this December & January on a bit of a tour. We teach a yoga retreat in Sayulita Mexico in January, so we have decided to drive our home there this year! How amazing of a sentence is that!? I plan to keep our Journal going and keep the Love Notes From the Road flowing as we settle into Toots and find our groove.
One thing that there is no room for in Toots is any feelings other than gratefulness, peace, love, excitement, amazement, and awe. This world is filled with beauty and we plan to soak it up as we tour! I wish you all the best and I would love to hear some note from the road! -Ben
Note: Full-time RVing (in any type or make of RV) may have implications on policies including, but not limited to, warranty and insurance policies. Please do your own research before making the decision to live in an RV on a full-time basis.